I thought I should write you this letter to let you know that I miss you, not a day passes by that I don’t wish you were right here with me.
I’m seating here surrounded by these imaginary walls with tears in my eyes. All I’ve been doing lately is thinking about you, probably more I should. It’s been six years since I last heard from you, but I hope that you’re still ok because I am, I believe that much at least. It’s been a long time since we last saw each other, last talk to each other and the day we called it off, but sometimes I just miss you so badly it breaks my heart. Even though it’s been a while, sometimes it feels like the pain of losing you has come back, it has started all over again.
I wish I could get to see you one more time, be in those loving arms that once held me so close, listen to that voice telling me that you love me.
I know life goes on, so you probably have someone in your life now. Maybe a beautiful wife and amazing kids living in a wonderful home, but that doesn’t make me miss you any less.
I wish you never had to say goodbye or I had tried a little harder to make you stay, make you realize how much you meant to me, how miserable I was going to be without you before you leave, but I waited until now which is probably too late to tell you. I thought I was going to be ok, I was going to be able to keep it together even without you, I was going to manage to stay strong hoping time will help me get over you, but none of that has happened thus far. Instead, I miss you every day even time seem to bring back all the memories you and I once had instead of taking them away from my mind, opening a gap to let new memories sink in.
I miss you Sam, I really do and it looks like nothing will ever make me feel better, heal the wounds you left unattended and erase you in my mind. I heard the theory that says “you’ve got to find a good relationship to get over the worst relationship” but I haven’t heard the one that tells you what you need to do to get over a wonderful relationship. Maybe that’s the reason I can’t get over you, there’s simply no plan in place to remove you in my mind, or I’m just clueless when it comes to what needs to be done to get over you, to forget about the love we once shared.
I tried to find someone new, a couple of them actually, but I kept messing it up. But I don’t blame them for everything that went wrong between ourselves, because I know I was the reason we never worked out. They just didn’t match the idea of love I had in my mind, the idea of love I was searching for. Maybe I compared them to you which was wrong or I simply tried too much to find someone better than you instead of finding someone to love me and love him back.
I can’t hide how I still feel about you as I catch the smile crawling on my face when I think about the good times we had. I know we had our differences and arguments which is normal for any healthy relationship, but they’re not worth the wonderful times we had. The strong bond we created among ourselves which is now the reason I can’t get over you, I believe.
“Love can be so good you hardly think it will ever end”, so I was told. I must admit being around you made me believe that is true, but I never believed it could come to an end because that never seem possible whenever I was with you. Maybe it doesn’t, we just get separated by life and its complications because here I am still loving you like you never left. Maybe it does, because you are on the other side of the world, you don’t even call to check how am I doing since the day you left. Maybe your life is going so well you don’t even think about me, or you just scared I might be with someone else which might hurt you to hear that I’ve moved on, or you just think I’ve changed and I’m not the person you once fell in love with. Whatever the case might be, I don’t blame you. Like I said before, life goes on and a lot changes with time even though I seem to be stuck in the past almost a decade later.
We never talked about the future, what we were planning about our lives, but we just loved each other for that moment. Maybe that’s why it was so easy to just let it die. We never had a plan in place for what was supposed to happen next, but I’m sure you were going to be a great dad for my kids as I was going to be an amazing mom to yours too. Unfortunately, we never waited to see that moment, probably never will.
I’m a grown woman now Sam and I’m sure you are a grown man too which makes it easy for me to think you know what’s best for you and you possible made the best of your life because it would hurt me to find out you’re going through difficult times in your life, the world got the worst of you. In fact, I don’t want to think about what’s happening in your life, because that leaves me with mixed emotions, but I wish you are happy because that’s what I’ve always wanted, to see you happy even without me.
I know love can be so crazy sometimes, lot of arguments, endless fights, but we all human so we have to expect things like that and we need to talk about them, fix them and move on, because that’s part of our daily lives, but it doesn’t give any of us a right to walk away. I may have realized that a little too late, but I want you to know I’m deeply sorry and I’ll never forget the day I said goodbye to you. It will remain in my head for as long as I live because I realize that I made a terrible mistake by letting you leave.
